Absurdity
by KatyaGlovE
Summary: Polumna quite accidentally pours a love potion to Professor Snape. What will come of this?


Twins Fred and George Weasley are the guys who cheered up Hogwarts and everyone who was in it for many years. They did this by selling various pests and devices for various types of drawings. Since they were very popular in this business among the pupils of the school, they decided to open their own shop, which, in fact, we today look. Even without even entering this magical institution, you can see that it is amazing, as it stands out among all the gray, gloomy buildings with its bright orange color, exactly the same as the hair of the twins themselves.

And now, we are entering. In this turmoil it is difficult to gather your thoughts, and after five minutes of staying there, you can completely forget why you came. Incredible amount of powders, boxes with "Strong breakfasts", colorful liquids in bottles of very different shapes ... There was even a liquid rainbow, perfumes with the scent of rain and a sunbeam caught and planted in a box. The disciples were not sorry for any of the galleons, just to satisfy their fireproof curiosity.

A special place in this shop was occupied by a display case with love potions. A huge number of students crowded around her, who joked at each other, saying:

\- And you pour this Neville! No, no ... Krebbu or Goyle!

After these words, they all laughed loudly.

Suddenly, the shop owners appeared behind their backs.

"Hello, ladies," they said in unison.

The laughter stopped abruptly. After all, despite the fact that no one took seriously Fred and George, many girls even liked them very much. Some of them blushed.

"That, by the way, is the last," Fred sighed sadly.

\- Yeah, we were forbidden to sell them. Because of one case, "George added. - You heard?

"Is this the case with Draco?" came the voice of Lavender Brown from the crowd.

"That's right," the brothers said in chorus. - And that is why, what you see now on the counter, the last on sale. Take it while you have it! With these words the brothers withdrew.

The girls sighed sadly, took the flacon and went home. I think the reader now does not quite understand what kind of case this is about. Well, now I'll explain everything to you. The fact is that last year Draco Malfoy poured this potion into Professor McGonagall's glass. After that, she put him a mark of "excellent" in the year! Lucius Malfoy, Draco's father, for such "successes" of his son, on the cause of which he did not guess, bought him a broom of the latest model and a new velvet mantle of dark green color. Malfoy Jr. was insanely proud of his clever act, but when Professor McGonagall found out that she was actually under the influence of a love potion, she corrected the assessment for "not satisfactory," and the father, in turn, confiscated from dearly beloved son all the expensive gifts.

No one was pleased with this. Neither Draco, nor his father, nor McGonagall, nor Weasley, whose shop they wanted to close at all, nor the director of Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore. In general, this case they will remember all for a long time. Let's go back to the bench.

Everyone began to disperse, as it was already getting dark outside the windows, but this was not noticed by Polumna Lovegood, who was completely staring at the lunar candies. She watched closely as they soared in the air, for the main task of the one who wants to eat them is to catch them. And no matter what, it was a mouth. A kind of mini Quidditch, so to speak! She was terribly amused by these tiny licorice wings, which fluttered so quickly that it was difficult to see them. Observations were interrupted by the fact that someone took her by the shoulder.

\- Something to prompt? Fred bent over her.

\- No, - smiled Polumna, - I was just staring.

\- Yes, these candies were even banned at one time, due to the fact that they are too attractive.

\- Not surprising.

"You do not really need anything, Polumna?" cried George from the steps.

"No ... Although." She looked at the love drinks. "I think I'll take it as a keepsake, since the last one ..."

"Of course," the brothers said in chorus.

\- How much do I have to pay?

"Three galleons."

Polumna rummaged in her pocket.

"I only have two ..."

"Do not worry," Fred held out a bottle to her. - At the expense of the institution.

"Thank you." Polumna stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. Then skipped off. The brothers exchanged glances.

"It would be fun to mix someone up, but only so that no one is hurt," she thought. "For example, to some animal or bird ... I wonder if they act on them?"

Part 2.

As soon as the first rays of the sun covered the tile of the school of sorcery and magic, pupils hurried inside, hurrying to class, like bees. The roar from the moving stairs did not stop, the doors of various offices clapped repeatedly and, of course, the loud laughter and negotiations echoed throughout the castle. Someone was in a hurry to study potions, someone - to care for magical creatures, someone - to protect from the dark arts. All so different, but at the same time united by one world, one universe, which they all loved very much and did not want to leave.

Skipping (as always) our Polumna approached the Potions office. She was in a very good mood today, because she did not find any of her things missing. For those who do not know, Polumna is considered a little "not from the world of everything" and often hides her clothes or shoes. But today her checkered sneakers were still under the bed, and dresses and other clothes lay quietly on the shelf in the closet. The half-moon was pleasantly surprised, but at the same time a little puzzled and, I might even say, upset, because before she could have fun, walking around the school in search of her blouses or skirts, finding this activity is quite amusing.

But, remembering how recently she still could not find the missing caramel earrings, for which she was a little sad, she thought that it would be better if things were in their proper place.

Approaching the office, Polumna accidentally put her hand into the pocket of her robe and found there lying down from yesterday a love potion. Turning it in her hands, she returned it to its place.

The lesson began. Professor Snape was clearly out of sorts today (however, nothing new), so he spoke briefly, clearly, without a single superfluous sound, with a touch of audacity. And maybe not with a note, but with a whole chord. Who knows. But today the students tried not to meet his eyes. With a wave of his hand, the professor slammed the huge shutters, creating a twilight in the classroom.

\- Today you will practice cooking potions from the dried root of larch. Demonstrate his preparation for us ... - Professor looked at the class. Polumna played with her radish earrings and did not listen to Snape at all, which he immediately noticed-Miss Polumna Lovegood.

The half-moon instantly descended "from its own" heavens to the ground and looked at the professor with a frightened glance.

\- I'm sorry, what?

"I beg you, Miss Lovegood," Snape said sternly.

The half-moon rose slowly and headed for the cauldron. The professor followed her with a haughty look. Then he snapped his fingers and a quiet flame lit up under the boiler, in which liquid was already poured, which is the basis for all potions.

With trembling hands, Polumna lowered the larch root into an already boiling "base" and turned to the professor. He seemed to burn her eyes.

"What's the next ingredient, Miss Lovegood?" - as if filtering every letter he said.

"I think it's the leaves of lavender," Polumna said for fear of saying something wrong.

\- Right. Take them, they stand on the shelf, directly above you.

She reached for the right bottle, but could not reach them because of her small height. Since before her stood a boiling cauldron on the table, the main task was for her not only to get the ingredient, but also to prevent the miraculous transfer of the hot substance to itself. Her fingers and the right bottle were only a couple of centimeters apart. "It would now use" Akzio "- thought poor Polumna, but, unfortunately, they did not take magic pots with them to Potions lessons, as they did not really need them there.

"And while Miss Lovegood adds the leaves of lavender, I will tell you a little about the properties of the potion." Its very important advantage is that it is capable of completely dissolving glass. This is useful if you, for example, broke something, and in order not to injure yourself and not expose such a danger to others, you can use this potion by pouring it onto the debris.

\- Professor, why can not we just use the "reparo" spell and restore the broken thing? Zhou said, raising her hand.

"Because, Miss Chang, this situation can happen right here in the Potions lesson, and if you have not forgotten, we do not use magic here."

Polumna Sharply stood on her toes to finally grab the ill-fated bottle, but suddenly felt something fall into her cauldron. Leaving the leaves at last, she carefully examined the shelf, trying to find with the eyes of the missing bottle, which probably accidentally fell into the potion, but noticing that everything was in place, calmly began to lower the leaves one at a time.

"Well, Miss Lovegood, are the leaves already in the cauldron?"

"Yes, Professor."

\- Well, the next ingredient is the plantain root.

Fortunately, the bank with them stood right in front of Polumna, and she did not have to sweat to get it. She looked a little puzzled at the potion she had, because it was unnatural for him purple. She recently read in the textbook that the potion from the dried root of larch should be blue. Lovegood raised her eyebrows in surprise, but thought that the color would change if she added all the ingredients, probably ...

After the last 3 ingredients, such as the root of mandrake, dried butterfly wings and the slime of the bookworm, were already boiling in the cauldron, the potion acquired an almost necessary shade.

"Give it to us," Snape said to Semmne. - Now I will clearly demonstrate to you the action of the potion.

She carefully poured the potion from the pot into a wooden jar and went to the professor. Suddenly she noticed that her mantle had become somewhat easier. And then she realized that in the pot then fell from the fall of her pocket ... THE GREATER POOR! That's why there was such a purple color ...

"Quick, Miss Lovegood," Snape said sternly.

With a quick movement of his hand, he conjured a small cut on his palm.

"Watch carefully."

Picking up a pitcher from the trembling hands of Polumna, the professor took a big sip from his throat and the cut instantly disappeared, as if he were not there.

"Well, Miss Lovegood, eeee ... Dear Polumna, please take a seat."

In the classroom, everyone whispered, because they were, to put it mildly, shocked, because Professor Snape never spoke like that to the students ... And not only with the students, at all with no one ... His stern, even slightly malicious look was replaced by the affectionate , to some extent even in love, and the astonished Lovegood looked at him with wide eyes. She did not know what would happen next. Honestly, nobody knew this.

Part 3.

The next lesson, Polumna, of course, did not go. Its main task was to prepare an antidote for the professor who had fallen in love with him to the very ears, who until then had looked at her (and all students) with strictness, anger and some dislike.

Ingredients for the antidote were the wool of a brown bear, melissa root, bees nectar and, most importantly, the wings of lacewings. All would be nothing, but the fact is that the last and most important ingredient was deficit, to put it mildly, and the last 20 pairs were stored in the back room of Snape himself and were under strict prohibition, and were used only in the most urgent cases. And I want to inform you, dear reader, that you understand the seriousness of the whole situation. The worst thing is that today, at exactly 4 o'clock, the teachers of Hogwarts will have an important interview, on the choice of the best student for the trimester. Of course, the applicant was already - trying and tirelessly working Neville Dolgopups, who with great diligence performed homework in all subjects every evening, stayed after lessons for additional classes and even made a brooch for Professor McGonagall from the pearl and petals of the lilac gold-flowered. She was very sorry for poor Neville, for she was well aware that teachers considered Professor Snape's opinion extremely important and listened very attentively to him. And he, of course, will expose her as the main pretender, in this she did not doubt.

In general, she definitely had to hurry.

While there was no one, she went to the Potions office and took from there the wool of a brown bear and bees nectar. She half-ran around all the shelves, but she could not find the roots of the melissa. Then she remembered that she had spent the latter herself, while preparing the quicksand for Professor Flitwick ... She did not know what to do. By itself a looming portrait of poor Neville loomed in her head, who saw another pupil on a podium with a shining badge on his chest. And the most terrible thing is that this very "other" student will be none other than herself. Oh, poor Dolgopops ... Wait ... Neville is fond of herbs ... Perhaps, he still has these roots?

There was only a small problem - it was necessary to find it.

She went to the Gryffindor living room, hoping either to find him himself or someone who might know about his location. Approaching the picture with a fat lady that hung at the entrance, she said the password: "Fortune Manger." A fat lady looked her up and down and said, "It's strange, a clawed-eyed fellow - and into the living room of the Gryffindor." I remember the times when the faculties competed with each other, it was so interesting ... "

Then it opened and Polumna finally passed. Inside, she saw sitting on the couch and reading a textbook on the care of the magical creatures of Potter.

"Hey, Harry." She half-looked into his eyes.

"Hello," he sighed sadly.

"Where's Ron, Hermione, why are you alone?"

\- Hermione is practicing Ron in the preparation of bubble juice. And I, meanwhile, decided to repeat the composition of the feed for the huge fire snails before the Hagrid lesson. He slammed the book shut. "Did you want something?"

\- Yes. Have you seen Neville?

\- No. But we can take advantage of something. Come on.

They went into the dark pantry, where they kept mops and other equipment and closed the door tightly.

"Lumos!" Harry whispered. At the end of the wand a bright light caught fire. He took out of his pocket some folded paper four times, like a papyrus. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good!"

On the paper symbols began to appear. There it was written: "Lord Lunatic, Tail, Tramp and Sohaty represent you a map of Marauders."

\- What is it? She looked at him in surprise.

"This is a map." Marauders' Map. But that I have it, no one should know. It was given to me by Fred and George last year.

Harry began to carefully examine the map in search of Neville.

\- Yeah, here he is! In the transfiguration cabinet on the second floor.

"Thank you." Semmna smiled, and Potter just whispered: "The prank was a success, Knox."

Since the Gryffindor drawing room was on the third floor, Lovegood had only to go down to the floor below.

Approaching the moving staircase, which immediately changed the direction on it, she descended in front of a narrow corridor leading just into the transfiguration cabinet.

"Neville!" cried Semiamna, opening the door. Longbottom, frightened, turned around, looking surprised at the Lovegood running towards him.

"Neville ... I ..." She tried to catch her breath. - I need ... Ko ... Root ...

"What root?"

\- Melissa root ... Do not you have a melissa root?

\- Yes ... And why?

"For a potion." Do not be afraid, this is for everyone's good.

\- I believe. Take it. I brought them here from my own supplies at the request of Professor Flitwick. By the way, he will come now.

"Thank you, Neville!" A hundred times thanks! - Polumna jumped for joy and ran away.

On the way, she thought about how she could get into Snape's back room. On the clock was already half past three, and she decided to go there right now, because you can not lose a minute.

Part 4.

The days at Hogwarts fly fast. Distracting to classes, solving the mysteries, and simply to communicate with each other, students are completely lost in time and space. Do you know that it flies even faster than the days? That's right, the clock. And this was not at all pleased with the poor, not knowing how to be, Polumna.

Professor Snape's auxiliaries were the place they tried to avoid, because one day, when Fred and George decided to take out two pinches of shredded dried shoots of goldfish, they were instructed to clean the cages of huge fire snails! One of them painfully burned George's leg, because of which he limped a whole week.

She waited until everyone had gone to classes so as not to be accidentally noticed by any of the students, let alone the professors. Admittedly, she was terribly scared, and her heart was pounding so that it seemed that she was about to jump out of her chest and gallop away, losing herself in the expanses of the school.

Approaching tiptoe to the massive door, she, neatly taking hold of her, as something insanely valuable and fragile, very slowly began to open it, afraid to make noise with a creak. When, at last, the gap became wide enough for Polumna to get there, she quickly jumped inside, trying not to make too much noise.

Inside the utility room, from floor to ceiling on the walls, there was nothing but numerous shelves with a variety of bottles of all kinds and sizes. The master of this storehouse, Professor Snape, undoubtedly loved order, and therefore all these vessels were placed strictly in alphabetical order.

"So, the wings of gold-eyed wings, the wings of golden eyes," Polumna repeated to herself, continuing to look for a sign with the letter "K". Finally, she saw her, but she was too high, and therefore it was possible to get there only by the stairs, which, of course, there was. Lovegood neatly moved her to the right place and was about to climb, as she heard someone's steps. Suddenly, a panic overtook her, because she realized that the steps are approaching the back room, and there is nowhere to hide!

In search of something suitable, she quickly began to run around with the eyes of the shelf, when she suddenly noticed a masking potion right next to her hand. She took out the cork and quickly took a sip, almost choked.

A few seconds later, the drawings of bubbles and shelves began to appear on her hands, face and legs, just as they stood right behind her in her place. When the door to the back room opened and no one entered, like Professor Snape, Lovegood froze and tried not to breathe, so that she was not in any way found. If it was her will, she would have made her heart beat 3 times quieter, believe me, she wanted it.

The professor constantly muttered to himself under his breath, but when he came nearer, Halfmoon managed to make out what he was saying:

\- And how could I not have noticed so much sensitivity, subtlety in this wonderful student before? So much kindness, tenderness and sensitivity in this flower! Necessarily, by all means she will be the best in this trimester! I'll take care of it ... "Snape froze. "Why did I ... Ah, yes!" I need to get the ingredients for a drink of living death. Now, well, well ...

He constantly walked from shelf to shelf, picking up more and more all kinds of potions. Finally, he stopped right in front of the Crescent.

"So ... Next in the composition ... Mandrake leaves," he held out his hand, completely unaware that it was not a bottle, but a drawing on Lovegood's face! "Although ..." he slightly pushed his hand away, "I'll manage without it." Leaves I have so little left. - With these words he turned and left the back room.

To say that at Polumna's heart went into the heels - do not say anything. After a few seconds the action of the pot was over, and she decided to take what she needed quickly and leave as quickly as possible. Having reached the wings of the lacewings on the stairs, she took the right amount and, without delay, ran out.

Now her main task was finally to weld this antidote and miraculously give him a drink to Snape. Well, it's time to start.

Arriving in the empty (Merlin) pottery cabinet, she laid out the ingredients on the table next to the boiler and set about doing business. Carefully, one by one she added everything she needed, and when everything was finally ready, she poured the resulting potion into a bottle, plugged it with a stopper, and casually looked at her watch. Fifteen to four!

Not slowly, she ran to the fifth floor, where the meeting was supposed to be. Fortunately, there was still no one inside the hall and Polumna had the opportunity to penetrate there, avoiding unnecessary questions. When she entered there, she noticed that all the seats had been signed, and next to each was a goblet with creamy beer, in case someone, due to an excessively long replica, would dry up in the throat. She found a place with the signature "Professor Snape" and gently poured the contents of the bottle into the cup. Suddenly, the doors opened and Professor McGonagall entered. She half-managed to dive under the table. Other teachers followed her into the hall.

Seated at the table, each of them began to nominate a student of his faculty as the best. And then, the professor of kogtevrana volunteered to offer the challenger, Flitwick:

\- I would like to offer Zhou Chang from my faculty ...

\- Yes, how can! Snape interrupted him. "You have such an extraordinary student at the faculty, like Miss Polumna Lovegood!" Her mind, character, kindness and sensitivity could be envied not only by the disciples, but also by each of us! Have you never noticed the talent that was hiding in it?

Teachers, taken aback by such a remark, sat opening their mouths. Poor Professor McGonagall in general almost choked on a creamy beer, and Polumna jumped with horror so that she almost hit her head against the table top.

"Um, you see, Professor," Flitwick continued, "Miss Lovegood is definitely an extraordinary girl. But I'm not sure she deserves to be the best in this trimester, sorry.

\- Very much even it is worthy! Snape stood his ground. "Sorry, second." He picked up the goblet and sipped his beer. "I did not meet a cleverer and more kind creature than-" His eyes widened sharply. "Actually, Mr. Longbottom is most worthy of the award." Do not you think so?

McGonagall still choked. Dumbledore patted her on the back. The half-moon exhaled with relief.

\- Yes, I think so, - Rimus Lupine supported him. All the others agreed, too.

The next day, Neville was overjoyed to hear his own name in the nomination "The Best Trimester Student". Everyone thought that he would now melt with happiness, at the sight of a gold badge of distinction. The whole school applauded him standing, including teachers. She was glad that she could not spoil this moment of true joy for a man who was really worthy of it. And it was on this day that she once and for all vowed to herself never again to keep the love potions in her hands. Well, maybe only in potions lessons. And to hold, it is desirable, as hard as possible ...


End file.
